i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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