Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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