I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
