R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
