Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
