just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
