What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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