Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
