Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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