I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
