The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
