my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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