you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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