I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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