Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize