I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
