somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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