i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
