you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
