Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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