I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
