Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
