I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
