The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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