Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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