I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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