this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
