you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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