wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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