I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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