matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
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It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
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I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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