I think I just saw someone hide a body.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
