Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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