new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
