Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
