Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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