I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
