Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
