Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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