If i come over, it means nothing
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
