i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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