You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
