nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
