You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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