4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
