1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
