Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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