just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
