Got a toothbrush?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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