I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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