I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
