There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
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I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
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The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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