You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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