i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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