oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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