I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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