The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
