I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
